Tuesday, November 30, 2004
every monday i have been looking forward to 1030pm cos there's america's top model!!! omg i luv tt show....so nice!!! watching the girls get pretty...totally supporting shandi...haha but i know the result liaos acty...but shant spoil it by saying here for those hu don't...;p no spoiler alert haha..but its really a nice show!!! n now its down to the final 3...haha if only it was still like in stnicks...wld be like talkin abt it to teo,goh...baoru...ahhh! haha but nvm...=) sigh later hafta go sch...bleahh...meeting lars..cant help it, ohwell..stocktake coming soon!!!!!!! ahh as mingyong says...it's my very own 44k nightmare.....:(
n for s'pore idol...i dont care!!!!!!!!! taufik must win!!!!! definitely not sly or syl wadeva...lol
im not goin to think so much now...have almost given hope on him msging me...like so impossible..or even on msn...sign in sign out...totally nth...ok...maybe he won't even rmb me..in time to come..
blaque stepped into the dark at 10:50 AM!
Friday, November 26, 2004
haha went swimming with my sis again jus now...:) so fun!!! haha...feel qt refreshed now...:) talked to peilin ytd...n yup...im goin to keep my promise...but for now...can't stop hoping...can't stop waiting...i wish things happened the way i wanted...but who am i kiddin'...it hurts when we're both online...n he doesnt do anything...i jus need one hi..one smile..one msg to brighten up my day..
blaque stepped into the dark at 6:43 PM!
Thursday, November 25, 2004
hate how easily he can make me upset...by simply not doin anything sometimes...think im really dumb...acty thought i might get an sms from him...but who am i kiddin? i shld stop talkin to him on MSN...sick of always being the one to initiate evrything...conversations...MSN...sms...tired of it...what totally made me so mad was how u can just be talkin to him n u know he's away...totally distracted n not wanting to talk to u...i mean...why should i set myself up for such a fall? i mean ok it's not like i can help it...but it's been close to a year...damn tired...won't be seeing him anymore until next yr...might not even see him next year...making a promise to myself now...if he doesnt come look for me, or sms me to tell me abt his a's results...(i asked him to) i am goin to GET OVER HIM..
blaque stepped into the dark at 5:58 PM!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
ks's fren nai fen is totally sick!!!!!!! omg...
well anyway...haha i love all those comedies...yes dear...becker...everybody loves raymond...just so hilarious... and all those shows like CSI too...the practice...law n order(SVU)...ER...i love ER...but not showing anymore...sigh...gilmore girls...was watching the practice jus now....n wow...the twist in the plot really threw me...fantastic show...:) alias too...love michael vartan!!! but tt's not the only reason i watch the show...:) hahaha...been really bored at home....well my niece is coming later...she's so cute!!!!!!!!! ahhh!!! she's started talkin baby talk...n man she's irresistible when she smiles...:):)
cant wait for tmr!! bridget jones diary 2!!! ohyeah...:) mark darcy n daniel cleaver...it's real hard to choose...:)
blaque stepped into the dark at 5:54 PM!
read this somewhere...
Interviewer: "You're rich, you're famous, you're beautiful, you're married to a rich, famous man, and you have beautiful children, what more could you possibly want?"
" I want yesterday."
blaque stepped into the dark at 1:10 PM!
Monday, November 22, 2004
jus watched austin powers....man it's the ULTIMATE STUPID SHOW...so damn lame...OMG...eurgh n he's so disgusting!!! cant stand the way he says 'oh babyy..' argh gonna have nightmares...haha but dr evil damn funny man...so super lame...haha when he does all the movies shit...like acting as darth vader.....lame...
btw...goin to watch bridget jones diary 2 soon!!!! haha so exciting...been wanting to watch it for so long...gonna watch it with sonya....havnt seen her in a while...n she's gonna fly off to france soon!!! ahh so lucky...sobsobb...ohwell...u gotta buy sth for me...hahaha...:) speaking of buying things...will a kind soul out there PLS get me the latest eminem cd??? man i reallyreallyreally want it....it's damn gd...well acty i only heard one song frm it...jus lose it...yeah! haha..but judging frm his past albums? he's gonna rock...sigh...but no cash!!! ahhhh...:(
watched a bug's life the other day too...haha the little ants so damn cute...listening to perfect 10 now....nice song...think it's by jc chasez...from n'sync...haha yeah nice song...oh that blowin' me up with her love song...hahaha...:) cool...
talked to him on friday...haha was so happy after tt...sigh not goin to see him in awhile...the next time wld prob be feb....when the results for a's come out...hopefully...i'll get to see him then...i dunno whether it'll fade....if it fades, is it any less real? was jus thinking the other day about relationships on a whole...hmm it's real mind-boggling..
if u truly love someone....is her happiness more impt than ur own? if her bein happy means away frm u, do u fulfil her wish cos u really love her? or shld u fight for it? well frm the way i see things...if u can let her go? u dun love her enough...but i mean there are so many ways u can argue this..but i think when u really love someone...u won't be able to let her go, no matter how hard u tried....it jus won't work...
hmmm...love...it's so screwed up..how do u even know when it happens anyway?
is there such a thing as love at first sight? or is it lust at first sight...sigh this is gettin a tad cliched...ok gonna stop...but i still believe in soulmates...:)
out of sight..out of mind?
blaque stepped into the dark at 4:17 PM!
Friday, November 19, 2004
wow...haha havnt blogged for quite long..=) this was a damn fun n eventful wk!!! haha ok i went to national dental centre(NDC) for attachment from tues to fri....so today was my last day..qt sad haha...cos it was really interesting....1st day...met dr alvin tan...he's like a GP..so he does almost everything...saw an extraction...wahh bloody man...then after tt he told us abt dental sch..almost everyone says dental sch is damn hard but afetr tt when u start wking it gets better...=) haha n he was really qt cute...:p
haha ok then noon was orthodontics...basically braces...qt sian cos she kept disappearing...then nva explain to us...ya...ohya the attachmt also got 4 other RJC pple...qt nice n friendly pple...:)haha we also went SGH to eat....cos damn near..then pearl centre...food not bad...haha then 2nd day was prostho....ok..nth much...also went to sch dental clinic...wahh the kids there damn young.haha was attached to this former HC dentist....:) nice person...qt funny...:) haha then today...went to see endodontics...root canal treatmt...qt interesrting ehs, this speciality...hmmm....then after tt haha we went to the pantry...haha went to level 6 so many times that know it so well liaos...:) the dentists were chatting with us in the pantry...making jokes...haha...yay! then today went to see oral surgery...wahh...tot im alright with blood...acty i am lars...was seeing our 1st op...wisdom tooth extraction...then see the dentist cut open the gum..crack the toth...take out....still alright...then he started stitching...omg...totally cldnt stand it....started gettin this queasy feelin in my stomach...bleahh..haha then felt faint...haha but still lasted the entire thing...then thru the 2nd n 3rd op...ok liaos....haha think wasnt prepared enough for the first op...:) this attachmt was like damn shiok lars...sigh...hmm think i shld be goin into dentistry.....have got the interest..think either ortho or endo liaos...:) IF i were to specialise...:):) haha definitely not surgeon!! lol...:) haha was qt happy to see tt the entry requiremt to NUS fac of dentistry u need chem, n either bio or physics...phew...tot need triple sci...was like damn happy when i saw bio chem also can...haha yay!!! :)
blaque stepped into the dark at 6:54 PM!
Sunday, November 14, 2004
feelin' an odd sense of lethargy...feelin detached..confused...bored...sick...tired....like wth...everything's so irritatin...wish i cld jus not care...so many things on my mind...things which some are my responsibility...but doesnt stop me frm feelin any more sian abt it...ahhh fuck...cant stand these things...frigfrigfrig...hate all this...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
everyone seems to be enjoyin themselves....but im feelin this sense of lethargy n irritation n annoyance n anger tt i cant shake off...irrational...but there...feelin hitting somebody...in a real pisser of a mood...so sue me
blaque stepped into the dark at 5:04 PM!
Saturday, November 13, 2004
feelin so confused...dunno wad to think...things are gettin complicated and really weird...well...washing my hands off it...not caring...ignorance is bliss...
~sometimes i wonder why i like u so
then i only need to see u again
to know why
i find myself safely on the edge
only to have u push me over
and to have me go over willingly
blaque stepped into the dark at 11:50 PM!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
NELLY (f/ Tim McGraw) LYRICS
Over And Over
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo
I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
(Now that I've realizes that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Everytime I close my eyes I lock it down
I can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it's all in my head
THE BEATLES lyrics - "Yesterday"
(Lennon/McCartney)
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
blaque stepped into the dark at 10:26 AM!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
jus reached home...hahah been stayin over at my sis's hs...acty only last night lars...:) wah went to so many places man....kept walkin arnd...haha JOY is so cute!!!!! really man....when she smiles, its like damn super sweet then ur heart jus melts man...ahhh......so cute...cant stand it...haha ive got a photo of her!!!!!! :)
went swimming on mon...goin again tmr...then after tt stayin over at my grandma's hs...haha keep stayin over...:)
fri got STUPID lib meeting...argh...dun wana see tt bitch's face....ahhh....really bitch...still havnt forgotten wad she said to me right in my face the other day...wanted to tell her to fuck off man....idiot.
ohwell...hmm tmr swimmin qt fun!!! haha tryin to master breaststroke n correct my freestyle...:)
blaque stepped into the dark at 7:58 PM!
Sunday, November 07, 2004
wahh feelin damn tired this two days...esp ytd man...went to do cip...was karung guni man for 6 hrs...bleahh...walked so much my legs almost gave way...tiring work man...then after tt went to tampines mall to shop arnd with yixin...saw some nice stuff but cannot buy...:( haha tried on this halter top...yx says qt nice...sigh acty wld get it..but no cash lars...sigh...then cant go chalet somemore...hmm but acty qt ok lars...i mean kinda expected so nt super disappointed....n anyway...feel like washing my hands off the class sometimes too...so many weird weird things happening...was jus mentioning it to yixin...kinda agrees too...well..sigh dun wanna think abt it anymore..
met up with sonya on the bus the other day....felt really hapy...we nva did ever run out of topics to talk abt...there was always sth happening in each of our lives that we cldnt wait to tell each other...n some things, only feel comfortable tellin her...sigh got lotsa things i wanna tell her...the meeting up was way too short...:) gotta meet up again!!! haha n she was like late for half an hr...man she's the only one man...hu manages to be so late...but im used to it...:) n for some weird reason i dun get too pissed waiting for her as i do when others 'stand me up'...;p sigh really lotsa things i wanna tell her...all these things floating arnd in my head...cant really pinpoint wad to say..but i know when i feel like tellin her, i can count on her...jus as u can count on me girl!!!!!!!!!!~ :)
gonna go swimmim with my sis tmr...:) happy!!! haha bought a new swim suit n goggles...so happy!!! haha really like my new suit...:) cant wait for tmr...gonna take this hols to go swimming with my sis quite alot...n joy is gettin cuter n cuter!!!!!!! hahha...
suddenly feel tt BGRs are so superficial...i dun really know how to say too...there are some couples hu when are tgt, are really really sweet n u feel so happy for them, cos they're really behaving as a unit, as a couple...but for others, sometimes it jus gets abit irritatin n abit fake...gettin tired of alotta stuff tts happening arnd me...am takin off those rose-coloured glasses now...n taking a hard look at everyone arnd me n wads happening...n dun really like some of the stuff...sigh very fake lars...alotta things...dunno wads real anymore...dunno wads the real me anymore..sigh...so screwed...abt him...i dun wanna think so much..he still enters my mind at od moments...n i dunno wad to do...abit tired..maybe it'll fade in time?? have no idea...so screwed up...if it fades...then was it ever meant to be or real at all in the first place?? confusing...after this yr...we're gonna be goin our separate ways...n i still dunno whether im goin to tell him...tell n risk this fragile friendship tt im so happy to have now at least?? or not to tell...n we fade off contact as before... hopin the ans will come to me soon? but i doubt it..guys...too tiring to think abt them...even tho i have all the time in the world since its the hols...but no time realy to analyse their every move n word when it probably took them a grand total of wad, 2 seconds to do it...too much wk...not enough spirit to do it...tired...will jus see how things go..
gonna take this hols to at least get some writing done...been feelin an odd sense of trepidation...havnt written for so long...will i have lost it? lost my ability to weave these stories? ive always loved wrting...this ability to weave stories...n the sense of achievement when u KNOW uve written a good piece of wk...n havin it confirmed by others...or even when others dun like it, but u alone knows its gd..n its enough..yup...am gona write...:) have in mind some storylines...but dun have the middle...jus the start n the ending...hahah tt always happens...glad to know tt it hasnt changed...:) i'll jus have to get to the ending tt i want...:) n i think u alr know(to those hu have read my stories) someone always dies..:) tt hasnt changed too...:)
whoa long entry...hmm prob nt gonna be online for the next two days...so here's a long entry to make up!! :)
blaque stepped into the dark at 5:06 PM!
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
yay!!!!!!!!! hols have started...jus slackin arnd at home... haha jus saw peilin's new blog...haha now got tag board so can tag!!! hahha...:) went out with my sis for lunch ytd...so long nva alr!!! haha anyway jus got a msg ffm may...sayin she saw him in sch today...:) saw him on the day i had OP too...:) talked to him for awhile...then after tt he wished me gdluck!!!! hahah was so happy after tt...:) was really happy...ahhhhhh ok nvm hahahha...
think im goin to swim with my sis on every alt day...:) haha shld be fun..:)
talkin to ts abt 911...cos waas talkin abt the elections...
n feel so sad when ure reminded abt 911..sigh..seriosly hope tt kerry will win the elections...but doesnt seem to be likely...ohwell..
jus lazing arnd at hm..haha woke up at 1+pm today...:) so nice...damn shuang...then jus read n watch tv non stop...:) yay! hols rock!!! goin shoppin with sis on fri!! cant wait...:)
blaque stepped into the dark at 3:24 PM!
Monday, November 01, 2004
haha OP was today!!!
was quite nerve-wracking..haha but rather happy cos when it came to the real thing...my timing was just right...n wasnt too nervous...wahh the qns they ask qt hard...haha but tried my best to ans n i think overall pretty ok!!! :) SO glad its over...phew...
haha then after tt went to chiong gpf in the lib...do n do non-stop...bleahh...then lib closing liaos, so decided to go kap to do...haha n so fun!!! like class outing liddat... then cos my first time there rite, then qiuting was like so super shocked then she strated niao-ing me...haha like tt i was a 'virgin'...yea get it, haha...then tellin me tt..'oh u know tt building there? it's taka!! n tt is paragon!!!' haha then i cldnt take it so started nia-ing her bac tt i dinno n tt it was acty heeren i was crappin lars...haha then she started spreading arnd tt i really tot tt was heeren...haha but had a gd laugh...then went in, ate...and atrted kiddin arnd n makin alot of noise...haha but felt gd...:):) very fun!! wanna go again....hmm pw has ended...finally!!! yay! n the hols officially start...~ :)
blaque stepped into the dark at 10:42 PM!
me
I stare up at the pure white ceiling
fans whirring softly
A deathly silence in the room
Fear grips me by the throat
As I watch Death slowly glide
My wrinkled hand grips the bedsheet
As I begin a silent litany of prayer
He glides past the sleeping child
in the opposite bed
past the lady gazing listlessly towards the window
I struggle to breathe
Strange wheezing noises
The demons within me rage
Wreaking havoc
As my feeble heart sputters and chokes
My eyes close in pain
Flying open
In shocked remembrance
To see
His dark hand reach for me
Wishlist.
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