Sunday, November 07, 2004
wahh feelin damn tired this two days...esp ytd man...went to do cip...was karung guni man for 6 hrs...bleahh...walked so much my legs almost gave way...tiring work man...then after tt went to tampines mall to shop arnd with yixin...saw some nice stuff but cannot buy...:( haha tried on this halter top...yx says qt nice...sigh acty wld get it..but no cash lars...sigh...then cant go chalet somemore...hmm but acty qt ok lars...i mean kinda expected so nt super disappointed....n anyway...feel like washing my hands off the class sometimes too...so many weird weird things happening...was jus mentioning it to yixin...kinda agrees too...well..sigh dun wanna think abt it anymore..
met up with sonya on the bus the other day....felt really hapy...we nva did ever run out of topics to talk abt...there was always sth happening in each of our lives that we cldnt wait to tell each other...n some things, only feel comfortable tellin her...sigh got lotsa things i wanna tell her...the meeting up was way too short...:) gotta meet up again!!! haha n she was like late for half an hr...man she's the only one man...hu manages to be so late...but im used to it...:) n for some weird reason i dun get too pissed waiting for her as i do when others 'stand me up'...;p sigh really lotsa things i wanna tell her...all these things floating arnd in my head...cant really pinpoint wad to say..but i know when i feel like tellin her, i can count on her...jus as u can count on me girl!!!!!!!!!!~ :)
gonna go swimmim with my sis tmr...:) happy!!! haha bought a new swim suit n goggles...so happy!!! haha really like my new suit...:) cant wait for tmr...gonna take this hols to go swimming with my sis quite alot...n joy is gettin cuter n cuter!!!!!!! hahha...
suddenly feel tt BGRs are so superficial...i dun really know how to say too...there are some couples hu when are tgt, are really really sweet n u feel so happy for them, cos they're really behaving as a unit, as a couple...but for others, sometimes it jus gets abit irritatin n abit fake...gettin tired of alotta stuff tts happening arnd me...am takin off those rose-coloured glasses now...n taking a hard look at everyone arnd me n wads happening...n dun really like some of the stuff...sigh very fake lars...alotta things...dunno wads real anymore...dunno wads the real me anymore..sigh...so screwed...abt him...i dun wanna think so much..he still enters my mind at od moments...n i dunno wad to do...abit tired..maybe it'll fade in time?? have no idea...so screwed up...if it fades...then was it ever meant to be or real at all in the first place?? confusing...after this yr...we're gonna be goin our separate ways...n i still dunno whether im goin to tell him...tell n risk this fragile friendship tt im so happy to have now at least?? or not to tell...n we fade off contact as before... hopin the ans will come to me soon? but i doubt it..guys...too tiring to think abt them...even tho i have all the time in the world since its the hols...but no time realy to analyse their every move n word when it probably took them a grand total of wad, 2 seconds to do it...too much wk...not enough spirit to do it...tired...will jus see how things go..
gonna take this hols to at least get some writing done...been feelin an odd sense of trepidation...havnt written for so long...will i have lost it? lost my ability to weave these stories? ive always loved wrting...this ability to weave stories...n the sense of achievement when u KNOW uve written a good piece of wk...n havin it confirmed by others...or even when others dun like it, but u alone knows its gd..n its enough..yup...am gona write...:) have in mind some storylines...but dun have the middle...jus the start n the ending...hahah tt always happens...glad to know tt it hasnt changed...:) i'll jus have to get to the ending tt i want...:) n i think u alr know(to those hu have read my stories) someone always dies..:) tt hasnt changed too...:)
whoa long entry...hmm prob nt gonna be online for the next two days...so here's a long entry to make up!! :)
blaque stepped into the dark at 5:06 PM!
me
I stare up at the pure white ceiling
fans whirring softly
A deathly silence in the room
Fear grips me by the throat
As I watch Death slowly glide
My wrinkled hand grips the bedsheet
As I begin a silent litany of prayer
He glides past the sleeping child
in the opposite bed
past the lady gazing listlessly towards the window
I struggle to breathe
Strange wheezing noises
The demons within me rage
Wreaking havoc
As my feeble heart sputters and chokes
My eyes close in pain
Flying open
In shocked remembrance
To see
His dark hand reach for me
Wishlist.
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