Friday, February 11, 2005
as the days go by...
altho it's CNY...this year's celebrations seem strangely muted to me...i no longer feel the euphoria that i did when i felt that CNY was drawing near...the anticipation of getting angbaos...meeting with relatives...or even the new year goodies...this year i didnt even eat much...hmmm then dun see much gambling arnd too...not that i advocate or play...but it's always there during new year...n this year...have onli seen my family play a bit but nth much too...dunno lars jus feel that...I cant feel the festivities!!!!!! yea that's jus what im sayin...sigh..this new year is goin to pass damn fast...n i still dun feel anything...ahhhh...is it cos im older n things are clearer to me? like ive grown more cynical n know things for what they really are? things no longer seem what they were before...maybe ignorance really is bliss...that's what ive believed in for a really long time...sometimes, not knowing is the best escape...cowardly it may be...but i'd rather hide than face certain things...yet it has a way of staring at u straight in the face till u can no longer avoid it...hmm
cny has always been very routine...first day go this person'd hs...2nd day there...so on n so forth...but this year qt early then went over to jinyuan's hs alr...haha yup it was quite fun...altho ive alot of cousins...n i seriosly mean ALOT...there have always been only them that i talk to..probably cos they're closer in age n they dun care abt the other relatives...and have been playin with them since young!! haha can rmb that large part of my childhood was spent playing at their hs...haha invented some really stupid games like 'DIE'...then always play basketball in their small cramped rm which consisted of throwing the ball into the hoop (which is really just an open cupboard door) =) those were fun times...then we didnt contact each other for qt a long while...then recently started seeing each other arnd again...so yea really appreciate having cousins...real ones, for that fact.. yup so was at their hs today...then ended up playing weiqi with jinrui...haha i kept losing!!! then after that we played reversi...n connect-4..haha all on the weiqi board..fun! =) haha then jinhong kept cheating for me...haha really qt funny...=) had a gd time today...then saw jinyuan n wow! ure really dark yea? haha...gave me a shock when i turned n u were standing bhind me...=) well here's a BIG cny greeting to one and all...hope u all feel the festivities that i dun feel... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
blaque stepped into the dark at 10:38 PM!
me
I stare up at the pure white ceiling
fans whirring softly
A deathly silence in the room
Fear grips me by the throat
As I watch Death slowly glide
My wrinkled hand grips the bedsheet
As I begin a silent litany of prayer
He glides past the sleeping child
in the opposite bed
past the lady gazing listlessly towards the window
I struggle to breathe
Strange wheezing noises
The demons within me rage
Wreaking havoc
As my feeble heart sputters and chokes
My eyes close in pain
Flying open
In shocked remembrance
To see
His dark hand reach for me
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